Friday, September 29, 2006

Monday, September 25, 2006

have you ever had a great moment in life, now a memory, that is crushingly sad?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Global Warming is a problem...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I have been wondering a lot lately about life and how we associate things. And I believe I have to come to either one of two possible conclusions:

Either popular culture is vastly separating itself from actual life and trying to shape actual life to fit pop culture…


I have myself disassociated myself from pop culture into my own offshoot of thinking.

Looking at countless poorly made horror movies with predictable plots, remakes regurgitated from the seventies and the eighties, and movies where they discuss important issues like cheerleading or beating someone's butt; I tend to wonder. Does everything have to be grandiose and inane for people to actually think a movie is good? Where are things that people can actually relate to? Is escapism that tempting? ; That we do should nothing except this idea, instead of the actual life of?

Music made to glorify lifestyles that the fans of which could never truly associate to has no real point in life only to perpetuate a cycle where people being influenced by this music creates thinking that success is living a life of excess without any regard for the world around them? Things are sub-cultured so much that rock music isn't even a category anymore, and the classics like jazz and blues are ridiculed by anything that doesn't fit modern categorization.

Since when is having the right cup of coffee, with the brand name digital music player and the aesthetic of being a younger-looking-than-you-are-but-dressing-retro lifestyle have to do with anything of substance unless properly endorsed?

-Maybe that's it: pop culture in general has nothing to do with real life unless a celebrity endorses it.

The reason why I worry about this is that; more and more often, pop culture is becoming the singular influence that is affecting people.

Our ideas of Love and Humanism are shut out unless someone makes a movie about it starring a hot guy with a geeky attitude.

You would think, that with the events of the past 6 years, that we might have some kind of clarity from this, but the rift between those seeking escape from a world so horrifying around them and those who try to fight the good fight of actually seizing on issues to make a difference in this world divides us more and more.

In one example, take how people "love" each other. The idea of love (more recently) is more closely associated with signs of physical affection. Physical affection is a great thing, but not the only factor involved. Physicality, although closely linked to our emotional being, is something that can cause great detriment to others who have a different idea of love (substance and deeper connection) than ones who have this mentality of a physical nature.

You know how "people in love do some crazy things?" Well, what about "people do crazy things that they think are love?"

I could be speaking more from the gut than on rationale here, I could be totally wrong or even speaking a half truth.

Maybe I am just becoming an old grumpy person who thinks that things aren't the diatribe of "the way things were". I hope that's not the case. Your thoughts?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Unwed Sailor-Shadows

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

is happyness in memories or content being?

I have alot of memories that make me happy, and then I have times where I content, but I don't necessarily think that means I am happy.

I've been hanging out with people from time to time, that are just happy in their lives and don't expand. Are they content, or just truly happy? In either case I am glad for them, and maybe that's it, maybe they are the same.

I can think of maybe two instances in my whole life where I was completely happy and fully aware of it at the time, which is a rare feet. These are times when I was not merely rested or content, I was truly and fully happy.

One time was on a nice sunday at the ocean, and is probably one of my most cherished days. It's like a secret scene of my life that no one else gets, but I was there and I know how great it was.

I wonder this and think about how sometimes people cater what they like to what other people like. I find this kind of odd. Can we truly be happy doing this?

I honestly believe that commonality can be obtained by more than just doing the same things. People, us at our core, can have commonality beyond our own.

Was all we were taught merely something for us to unlearn.

I think about this as happyness runs through my mind in memories, and wonder if what people percieve to be happyness in me is merely a contentment for the place I am in now.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

I remember the day very clearly...

I had slept in and skipped my class, npr was blaring on my alarm before I had shut it off.
My brother is coming home today I thought. All of us in the same house again.

I had turned on the TV and looked at what I had thought to be the middle east, but strangely it looked like new york...

I took a shower and then my dad had called me...

"You're brother is not at the airport, they closed the whole thing off, something happened"
"find mom"
-"what's going on?"
"a plane attacked new york, and another one hit the pentagon"
"I'll be home soon"

It was New York I had seen...
calls upon calls were made checking up on my family on the east coast...
"We were under attack, this is it" , I had thought to myself, but the main thought remained to be wondering where my brother was at, he is supposed to fly home today.

"Oh my God, is he alive?", I had no clue and this scared the hell out of me.

Like you, I watched people plunge to their deaths, and my own compassion for them was overshadowed by not knowing where my brother was.

I get a call and he is in Houston, his plane landed in houston of all places, 14 hours away.
My friend Ryland got in the car and was on his way to come pick him up.

Like many, fear was running through our household...

we are under attack, and we didn't know how many we had lost...

"what about my family?"

I remember finally seeing my brother at 2 a.m. the next day after driving all day from houston and I was brought with a bittersweet relief.

I was scared and wanted answers, but we now entered into a different world.

I remember driving the next night, and jennifer knapp's song "faithful to me" was on the stereo, and the part of the song where she said:
all the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well, I have thrown like stones to the sea...

-that finally broke me, and I had to pull over. I couldn't take it anymore. thousands died, for what? I just sat there in my car, totally broken down and crying for all of those people.

It's still a soft spot with me because the scars are still there, to know that such a horrible thing had happened. I know that horrible things happen in the world quite often, but when it hits closer, it's more personal because it tugs on closer relation to you, and till this day, I am horrified by the events that had taken place.

Our world had changed in a very drastic way.

I wonder if our country will ever know peace again, and if so, at what cost?
Pearl Jam playing Phil Ochs

Friday, September 08, 2006

cb4 clip Wacky D's in da house!!!!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Sleepless in Seattle Recut/ Redux

being sick is horrible, but this is greatness.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Jonzun Crew - Pack Jam (1983)

more please
The Jonzun Crew Tommy Boy Records


what I did today

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Friday, September 01, 2006

you're being glib