how?

do you ever have so much feeling, but no way to express it how you want to?

I have been through so much loss and gain in the past year... emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually...

I have faced things I would never thought I to face. I have seen both defeat and victory in the eyes and hearts of the ones I love the most. So much potential, so much possibility, so much pain.

I think about these things and how tragically and beautifully they all cross each other, and I wonder about who I am as a person.

Can I just say this once and get it out there? Just once that it is okay to not know. It is okay, and we can move on, and live, and be. We don't know, we don't. We try so hard in life trying to know, and some of us find out what that is, and some of us journey for it and are tormented by it, or constantly in awe of what it is, and trying to obtain it.

We hurt, we laugh, we cry, we are, and we don't know. Screwed up or monumentally great as it sounds. We are always alone, we are never alone. We are searching, and continue... we have to...

Logan Whitehurst
Just a few minutes ago, I found out that Logan Whitehurst had passed away about a month ago in his sleep.

Although I never knew the man personally, I saw a band he was playing in a few years back, The Velvet Teen, play a show in Seattle, and I was amazed at his skill as a drummer and that he could sing and play drums. I had a great night that night for many reasons, and that is how I will always associate him.

He later had to leave his favorite band (the velet teen) for what I heard was something to the effect of a severe brain problem, and he kept on making music as "Logan Whitehurst and The Junior Science Club", and I was even more amazed at the man's creativity and love for music beyond his own health problems.

Finding this out really saddens me, because if a person who was part of a great day in my life that I barely know passed and it troubles even me, I can't imagine the pain his friends and family are going through.